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Stop Hurting the Woman You Love: Breaking the Cycle of Abusive Behavior [Paperback]

Our Price $ 13.56  
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Item Number 403093  
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Item Specifications...

Pages   206
Est. Packaging Dimensions:   Length: 8.38" Width: 5.4" Height: 0.56"
Weight:   0.7 lbs.
Binding  Softcover
Release Date   Apr 1, 2006
Publisher   Hazelden
ISBN  1592853544  
EAN  9781592853540  

Availability  0 units.

Item Description...

A first-ever how-to book to help abusive men change their behavior by changing their thinking.

Domestic abuse is the leading cause of injury to American women between the ages of 15 and 44. Women's shelters, advocacy programs, and counseling centers have been created to respond to victims' needs, but what can be done to prevent domestic violence in the first place? At last, here is a powerful, positive tool to help abusive men break the cycle of abuse. Stop Hurting the Woman You Love shows men how to identify their distorted thinking---often rooted in feelings of entitlement and male privilege---in order to change the beliefs that fuel their need to control and lead to abusive behavior. Real-life case histories, thought-provoking questionnaires, and a conversational tone engage readers, helping them raise self-awareness and to change beliefs. The book's step-by-step cognitive behavioral approach gives men a proven action plan for putting their new, healthy approach into practice.

Buy Stop Hurting the Woman You Love: Breaking the Cycle of Abusive Behavior by Charlie Donaldson, Randy Flood & Elaine Eldridge from our Christian Books store - isbn: 9781592853540 & 1592853544

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More About Charlie Donaldson, Randy Flood & Elaine Eldridge

Register your artisan biography and upload your photo! Charlie Donaldson is director of the Men's Resource Center in Holland, Michigan. He has specialized in working with men for twelve years and offers batterer intervention, substance abuse counseling, and men's therapy groups. As an adjunct professor in the School of Social Work at Grand Valley State University in Allendale, Michigan. Donaldson specializing in working with male interns focusing on men's issues. He has presented seminars for other therapists on the psychology of men who abuse women, obstacles and approaches to working with men in therapy, risk and lethality issues for batterers, and interventions for angry and assaultive men. Charlie was instrumental in creating the Batterer Intervention Service Coalition of Michigan and the Lakeshore Alliance Against Domestic and Sexual Violence of Ottawa County, Michigan. He is credentialed as a Limited Licensed Psychologist, a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Addictions Counselor I and holds M.A. degrees in English and in Counseling Psychology.

Charlie Donaldson was born in 1945.

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Product Categories
1Books > Subjects > Health, Mind & Body > General   [13368  similar products]
2Books > Subjects > Health, Mind & Body > Mental Health > Abuse & Self Defense > Domestic Violence   [84  similar products]
3Books > Subjects > Health, Mind & Body > Mental Health > Abuse & Self Defense > Sexual Abuse   [249  similar products]
4Books > Subjects > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Interpersonal Relations   [1243  similar products]
5Books > Subjects > Health, Mind & Body > Self-Help > Abuse   [87  similar products]
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Reviews - What do our customers think?
A Self-Help Resource for Those Who Want to Stop Abusing Women  Feb 10, 2007
It's pretty obvious that someone who thinks it's all right to push and slap women, order women around like a drill sergeant does, and expect complete obedience isn't going to be a candidate for any self-help book to develop a better relationship. But some men who behave that way are shocked when their girl friend or wife leaves, calls the police, and begins legal proceedings . . . and those men want to restore the relationship, even if it means they have to change. If such a man is willing to enter a group that works on overcoming those behaviors and the attitudes that lie behind them, Stop Hurting the Woman You Love can be a very helpful resource.

Mr. Donaldson and Mr. Flood have considerable experience in assisting men to make this kind of transition through their work as directors of the Men's Resource Centers in Holland and Grand Rapids, Michigan. Most of the men they see are sent to the centers by a court after having been found to be criminally abusive.

From that background, the authors create some fictional types that represent the kinds of men who become abusers. I recognized several of the types among men I know what have abused their wives. They then do a fine job of explaining how these men see what's going on . . . and how those faulty views of reality get the men (and the women they love) into
trouble. This material is presented in straightforward language, and I doubt if anyone will find a confusing message anywhere in the book.

Once having looked at abusers, the reader is invited to find out about himself through a self-assessment built from attitudes and behaviors. You are then guided to identify your primary style of interacting with women and your family. The rest of that chapter explores pathways to escaping from vicious cycles of abuse for that kind of person. Cleverly, the authors allow no escape from confronting what might be done: There's even a category for the respondents who don't find anything wrong in themselves during the self-assessment.

The book has lots of practical advice such as how to give yourself a time-out before your anger spills over into abuse.

The authors also help readers understand where their attitudes and behaviors come from and what emotions their anger is masking.

Finally, the book helps refocus the reader on seeing the relationship from both the female and male perspectives at the same time.

I particularly enjoyed reading the reference to research about how long-term relationships are based on five positive things done for every somewhat negative one. Why not shoot for a higher ratio than that?

I couldn't help but feel that a lot of the abusers described here were living in a fantasy world when they got married, a world in which the best traits of their mothers and most stimulating girl friends were going to be combined into one woman who provided lots of mothering, attention, and irresponsible pleasure for the men while the children take care of themselves.

I have mixed feelings about encouraging people to read this book. At one level, I hope lots of people do so and that abuse is lessened. At another level, I hope that no one needs this book because people were able to permanently stop abuse on their own. But I fear that my former feeling is the more accurate, if less optimistic one. I see too many women with shiners, broken arms, and swollen faces to think that physical violence has disappeared from America.
A Useful and Practical Resource for Men Who Seek Change  Oct 26, 2006
Often self help books such as this one - 'Stop Hurting the Woman You Love: Breaking the Cycle of Abusive Behavior' - are either so beyond the scope of the casual reader that they are dismissed after the first chapter or two, or they are so simplistic that they seem like a milked out one-liner pushed into book form for profit for the writer.

Not so with this particular book. In its rather brief, easily digestible, non-threatening manner authors Charlie Donaldson, Randy Flood and Elaine Eldridge have created a manual that is easily readable, supportive, and one with effective management of the progression of topics that will be a true asset to the many men who are caught in the web of spousal abuse.

Using plain language instead of psycho-speak, the authors offer ways to recognize abusive behavior, usable and effective patterns to alter that behavior, and the all important supportive sense that any man who is 'man enough' to take charge of his life (that life including a constant state of misusing and misunderstanding inherent anger) can find a much needed level of behavior modification with all the associated rewards that accompany the work the authors clearly outline. The book contains weights and measures tables to assist the reader in self-evaluation and then follows those tasks with sound steps to alter the problematic abusive behavior.

For this reader the difference in the style of writing is the degree of supportive measures that accompany each phase of 'healing', steps that do not pamper the 'patient' but instead take a hard and realistic look at a potentially serious topic and then treat the reader with respect, examples and encouragement. The only problem with this helpful guide is that it is written solely for heterosexual couples: the next edition will hopefully acknowledge the fact that same sex couples need to be included in the panorama of partner abuse. This is a serious omission that needs correcting. Grady Harp, October 06
I know of a case in which the wife had a restraining order ordered against HER, and the next time she attacked the MAN, he was removed from his home and children and she was given everything. He was discovered by the police hiding in a basement closet from the woman's violence and yet he and his children lost everything irretrievably.

End the gender prejudice in these popular but prejudicial works. Realize many men are the victim of even lethal physical abuse by women. Work for justice as well as for peace. Renounce the violence of this anti-male sexism as well as our imperial and national violent official policies. Pray for peace, and realize how deeply each of us must confront our own violence within, women as well as men. Pray with the works of the Rev. Father John Dear, SJ, as a path to peace within each and every one of us, man and woman. Stop the cycle, but realize it is not only from men, who also have been victims of domestic violence.

Read John Dear for a gender free path away from violence in all of its dimensions.
For men who are puzzled about the failure of their relationships with women  Oct 22, 2006
While a man might see this book title and say "Oh, I never hit my wife"--the book covers more than simple physical abuse. This is really about abusive relationships and the way men react to situations that lead to abusive relationship. There are helpful questionnaires about things that trigger feelings of anger and a discussion of how you got that way. The book is about changing thinking and behavior, whether in a 12-step program or not.

The "read me first" introduction ends with the blunt comment that reading this book will make some people want to "flush it down the toilet." The author suggests that doing so will only clog your plumbing and keep you from improving your life. The book takes courage to read, so I am not sure how many men would resist that urge to clog the pipes, but those that do resist the urge to mash up this book will find this a life-saving book.
Helpful for more than just abusers  Aug 29, 2006
It may seem strange that a woman would read and review this book but there is very good information in here for anyone touched by abuse. I even found it helpful as a mother of a son who is trying to raise her son to be able to express emotions, something that the book discusses as helpful. This book is very readable and practical. The advise on "time-out" is very helpful and is important for women in an abusive relationship to understand that when men walk away, it is probably a good thing. Chapter 6 on "What Kind of Man am I" is a great tool and Chapter 10 on "Loving Relationships" provides a nice positive alternative for building a healthy relationship, which is not something that is intuitive or obivous but can be learned! All in all, a very important book.

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